The rumor is that there’s lots of nakedness at Bonnaroo. I only saw a few isolated cases, though. There was one couple who ended up posing for an unholy number of photos with people who love nudity but like keeping their clothes on. I don’t remember what the girl painted herself up as (I was distracted by her breasts, obviously), but the guy painted his junk to look like the trunk of an elephant. Upon seeing this man’s decorative wang, my friend suggested that if he even developed the gumption to expose himself to 80,000 people, he would paint his region up like the ass end of a tiger.
It was such a fine suggestion that it forced me to contemplate what could possibly be better. After hours of deliberating, I’ve come up with the perfect costume for nudists. Just hear me out. The guy should paint his parts to resemble a stingray, while the girl decorates her pubic area to look like Steve Irwin’s face.
Brilliant, right? Now that I’ve offended everyone, let’s talk about Day Two….
Day Two – Friday, June 13
My moment of euphoria: “Run Thru” by My Morning Jacket. For me, this was the highlight of the Louisville band’s three-hour long set. My buddy and I had finally worked our way up to the front row, only to go absolutely ballistic once the jam started up. Fuck the rain that had soaked us for the past few hours. We didn’t care about anything. Sure, it could have been the booze, but I’m pretty sure the music was even more intoxicating.
MMJ’s new album certainly isn’t my favorite from their catalogue. But, man, do the songs hold up well in concert. “Highly Suspicious” was simply blissful – the epitome of the cheekiness that makes the band truly unique. Look at Jim James’ hat in the above picture. Unlike all those lead singers you know who cash their paychecks righting depressing songs, it’s obvious that the mastermind behind MMJ truly loves being on stage.
That’s why the band sprinkled its setlist with R&B covers and brought out comedian Zach Galifianakis for last call. Seeing Galifianakis prancing around in a dress while reading lyrics off a sheet was simply too much. I really don’t know how anybody could dislike MMJ after watching them perform. They rock hard and have a blast doing it. What else is there?
My other moment of euphoria: Yep, Friday was fucking phenomenal. Nearly seven hours before MMJ blew the roof off my mind, The Raconteurs delivered an incredible set on the main stage. Although it sounds blasphemous, I’m convinced that Jack White should scrap his two-piece band and stick to his four-man side project.
Although White justified his superstardom with his showmanship, I was pleasantly surprised by Brendan Benson, the group’s other singer-guitarist. His songs were superb. Because the tones of their voices are similar, I always assumed that White handled the majority of the vocals. But this isn’t the case. “Consolers of the Lonely” and “Rich Kid Blues” demonstrated just how valuable Benson is to the group.
Of course, they forced me to miss !!!: As much as I hate exclamation points, I was really looking forward to acquainting myself with !!! at Bonnaroo. But their performance started 30 minutes before The Raconteurs, so I only ended up catching the first two songs of their set. Even though I didn’t see much – I walked away feeling like I just saw something that I’d absolutely never seen anything before.
They really knew how to work the crowd, to the point that they were borderline hypnotic. If Nic Offer asked everyone to gouge their right eyeball, there would have been more people walking around with eye patches the following day than at a pirate convention. Missing them because of a scheduling conflict was one of the few musical minuses of the weekend.
Minus the Bear was a big plus: Being somewhat familiar with the Seattle math-rock outfit, I though there was a chance that they might be a real snooze live. But they sounded like a cross between Death Cab, Bloc Party and Incubus. My friend ended up tabbing these guys his favorites out of the bands he knew nothing about going in. I’d go see these guys again in half a heartbeat.
Sonic Stage shakedown: I saw The Fiery Furnaces twice, albeit briefly in both cases. I really enjoyed their 30-minute performance on the more intimate Sonic Stage. though. All the pretentious noise wankery from their studio albums was missing. With brother shredding and sister singing, I found the Furnaces quite endearing. I think that “Straight Street” is one of my new favorite songs.
Quick hits: Umphrey’s McGee was disposable, and Rilo Kiley was bland. Chris Rock’s standup was top-notch. Glad to see all those crappy movies he’s been in haven’t ruined his biting sense of humor. I sat in my tent during Metallica, who sealed their fate when Lars introduced Chris Rock and explained to the audience that “hell was about to break loose at Bonnaroo.” If you’ve been reading, you know how I feel about hell.
So, what sucked besides Rilo Kiley?: Well, our campground was positioned closest to the main stage at Centeroo, which we assumed would be a good thing. Of course, nearly every time we tried to use the What Stage entrance, it wasn’t open, which extended our walk from half a mile to a mile and a half. This really took a toll on us Friday night when we decided to leave during Metallica’s set. All the good chi we built up during The Raconteurs and Chris Rock evaporated instantly when we realized that Bonnaroo event organizers were trying to trap us inside Centeroo.
Honestly, we tried about five different exits marked on the grounds map, and none of them were open. We ended up sneaking through a VIP opening after 40 minutes of trekking around with no success at all. Once we finally got back to the tent, everyone was pissed off, and thoughts of skipping MMJ crept into our heads.
If that’s not the work of the devil, I don’t know what is.
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